I'm pretty much AwEsOmE

You know the movie "The Wedding Planner" with Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Lopez? I have decided that I am Jennifer's character. No I do not plan weddings, yes I do have a family, but the personality of her character is me. (side note: this is about me as a person, not as a wife or mother, and does not at all reflect my life at the moment:) )

I like lists, I like to be over the top organized, I am ok with keeping to myself outside of the working world, meaning-I don't need people to make me happy, yet totally a people person in my area of talent and am good at what I do. I don't like to ask for help but will when I need it. I am a pleaser and often sacrifice my happiness for others'. And I'm a little OCD. I am an independent person. Yet I find myself relying on others all too often.

I have come across a couple of quotes that really made me stop and think about me...

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have

I can do a lot of things. I can do a lot more things than I think I can. I could have done more things if I would have believed I could. For example:

I am a cosmetologist. I do hair! I believed that I could never do my own hair...EVER. I was for sure I would totally screw it up. I made my husband color it because I didn't think I could. But as of late, I have done an all over color, a hair cut, and highlights on my own head! The only one holding me back was me.

When I was pregnant and Derek was gone for the summer, I got a flat tire on the interstate on my way to work. I called every MAN I could think of, but nobody was available. If the tool would have been in the trunk...I could have changed that tire no problem. A trucker ended up pulling over and assisting me, but if the tool would have been in the trunk, I was fully prepared to get dirty.

Recently I experienced a very difficult time of very poor health. I was debilitated for months and months. I couldn't beat it. But then again, I didn't try all too hard. I mean I did, I just let it win more often than I let myself win. I think that if I believed in myself, I could have pushed the pain to the back of my mind and functioned a little better. I could have accomplished more with what I was physically able to do than what I did.

I have never lived in a big city. The traffic scares me. But I had to go pick up Derek's parents by myself in Kansas City. Did you know there are about a million interstates in Kansas City? There are. I had the GPS but I get confused by that thing even when I'm not driving. But guess what? I did it all by myself. I didn't get lost, I didn't even wreck. I drove in the big city traffic! All by myself.

If you know me really well, and I think I have a lot of people fooled, you would know that I have a very short temper. I freak out A LOT. But I find myself thinking seconds after numerous freak outs...what are you freaking out about??? It's easy to say I have a short temper, and it's even easier to blame the reason of the freak out. But I know I can have more self control. I know that I can control my temper and be a little bit more fun to be around. I am holding me back.

The point is, we all have self worth. We all have specific talents that make us who we are. We all can accomplish MORE than we think we can, and we are all STRONGER than we think we are. It is sad that we too often let the world define us. We let others make us think less of ourselves. We let things get in the way of our happiness.

I am discovering my self worth! I can accomplish great things. I can be a better me. I am pretty much AwEsOmE!