It took a year and a half. We tried and tried. At first I knew it would take some time. Then I ached for one of my own. With every passing baby belly...stroller...new born...none of which were my own...I grew sad...more sad...a little depressed...eventually angry...very angry.
I remember working in the salon one day. A woman came in with her 4 children. Her youngest a brand new baby. After I finished her hair and adored her sweet infant girl, she left and I ran to the back of the store and cried. When would it be my turn?
One day in church, Derek was the Sunday School teacher, we were talking about Abraham and his wife Sarah, and how they were something like 100 years old before they were blessed with a son, Isaac. I cried.
Finally I altogether stopped trying. At that point I was so full of anger and pain that I told God I was done. I didn't want a baby anymore. I was done trying, and He didn't have to bother. Boy I sure showed Him!
The next month I got pregnant...
It was a miracle.
Now my miracle baby is 3 1/2. He is a beautiful little boy...at least when you look at him...not so much when he is pooping on the floor (potty training will be the death of me) or squeezing half the tube of diaper rash cream out onto his hands and smearing it all over the bed posts or drawing on the couches with pens or crayons or markers or spraying any kind of cleaning agent all over the place or hurting his sister intentionally or talking back or telling me NO. The list goes on and on...and on and on.
One morning when I woke up to another poopy mess on the floor I told Derek I was done praying for patience and self control because I was sick of the lessons that were meant to teach me both.
God couldn't teach me patience...or rather...I couldn't learn patience during the process of starting a family...so the only other option is to learn it with children. Who showed who? That's right...God showed me.
I will constantly be a student to patience...and for now...it seems...my grade will always be a great big massive F!
3 comments:
:) Grandma Hoopes (well...your great grandma) always had the quote on her wall that said, "Lord, Grant me patience...but Hurry!" It's a hard one. :)
Isn't it funny that we think we are sooooo patient, until we get a kid that really knows how to push the limits! I feel your pain!
You haven't killed him yet so I give you an "A";) Jenna is so sweet and I thought I had it all figured out. Along came little Miss Kenzie and I'm certain she going to be the death of me.
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