Obedience Brings Peace, and Pregnancy ;)

When I was pregnant with Ainslee I was miserable.  It was far worse than when I was pregnant with Peyson.  I thought, it would be great if I was done.  So I prayed a lot to know when our family was done growing.

The day I had Ainslee, before they even had her cleaned up, I knew there was another baby waiting to come.  I knew I wasn't done.  Crap.  I pushed the whisper away and tried to enjoy this new baby girl.

Maybe a month later, I was mid postpartum depression, losing my mind.  I had both kids out for a walk, a 3 year old, and a newborn.  A thought came to my mind--have a baby.  Not--I should have another baby right now, or I want another baby right now--just--have a baby.  Name it Emerson.  Boy or girl. 

Seriously???  I just got over puking my face off for 9 months!  I just HAD a baby!  I'm not even over that one!  I am depressed out of my mind.  My kids probably have a mom complex.  Emerson??? Where did that come from?  And GO AWAY!

It never went away.  From the very first impression, the minute I knew there were more baby Ewell's that were to be had, all I could feel was major anxiety.  Anxiety that there was another one just BEGGING to come.  Anxiety that I knew what I felt, and knew what was to come.  Anxiety because I didn't want to listen.  Not yet at least.  Major anxiety.

We moved to Texas and that adjustment was HARD.  Residency started and that adjustment was HARD.  I was a crazy mama with two crazy children.  I had no patience for even the thought of another baby.  I have a husband who won't be around enough to be of any help.  What?  No!  No!!  NO!!!

No?  I talked to Derek about it.  He also said no.  Not only no but. . . . . . . .no!  I waited.  We talked some more.  No.  Crazy!  No.  I waited. 

I was in the shower one night, stressing over the fact that I knew what we were supposed to do, and knowing it was not what either of us WANTED to do at that very minute.  So I prayed.  I told Heavenly Father fine!  I would have another baby.  But he had to provide the way.  Financially.  Mentally.  Emotionally.  Guess what happens when you do that?!?
 
We talked.  We'll see. . .hmm. . .hmmmmmmm. . .o. . .k. . .  OK! 

The birth control stopped.  The baby making resumed.  The baby making happened.  All within a month!!!  I guess we were supposed to have another baby?  Like. . .5 minutes ago?

I felt a little crazy through the whole process.  And as soon as we chose to obey. . .as soon as we started trying. . .I was no longer anxious.  I felt complete peace.  I still do. . .even though the thought of 3 kids should freak Laura out.  The thought of postpartum depression should freak Laura out.  The thought of up all night, then again all day should freak Laura out.  But it doesn't.  And I'm guessing that it won't.  Because obedience brings peace.  The Lord will provide a way.  And he has.