Let Him In

Since the day we moved Peyson into his own room, he decided in his own little mind that he would some how get back at us. And since that day, he has. At least until a few days ago...
Peyson has always been such a good baby. I have always felt so blessed. Everything about him was always so EASY! So when he decided to go to battle with mommy and daddy, we had no idea how to react. He started acting out, doing things he knew very well were wrong, just to see what we would do. He started fighting me at nap time. He started fighting me at bed time. The days were full of ear shattering cries that were constant and could not be hushed with any amount of love. I tried everything I could think of to make it better.
Finally I could take it no more. I tried what I had told myself I would never do. I put him in his crib for a nap, and let him cry himself to sleep. I kept busy, trying not to think about it. It worked for a time, but his wake up cry came all too soon. I was definitely feeling the frustrations of being a mommy. The day didn't end any better. Finally bath time came. Bed time followed. I tried my normal routine of rocking and cuddling Peyson to sleep. He was pulling his usual act...rolling around, giggling at nothing at all, avoiding sleep as long as he possibly could. I lost my patience and could not take another second. I put him in his bed, kissed him good night, told him I loved him, and left, closing the door behind me.
The loud echos of sadness sounded down the stairs. But he wasn't the only one sobbing. My eyes were wet soon after. Derek saw my sadness and came to me with a big hug of sympathy and understanding. Why did it have to be so hard? Why did he have to turn me into the bad guy? What happened to my easy, fun loving baby? Nobody knew the answers. Peyson cried for 20 minutes. I cried for 20 minutes. When the sobs finally subsided, I moped around the house, picking up toys, changing the laundry, cleaning the kitchen. When there was nothing left to clean, I went into my room, and with nothing left to give, fell to my knees at the side of my bed, and pored my heart out to Heavenly Father. I told him how hard the last two weeks had been. I told him of the things I had struggled with and the things I had tried to remedy the problems. It wasn't till then, I realized, I had tried everything but one. I forgot to let Him in. When I was finished with my prayer, a certain calmness fell over me.
The days that followed were like a dream. There were no more fits, no more cries. Peyson was Peyson again. Smiles and laughter consumed the day. I needed to turn to my Father in Heaven, and it took a very painful and long lasting experience to get me there. I have learned that nothing is possible without the Lord. His hand is in all things. And when I take the time to notice it and be grateful for it, I notice how much better my life can be. All I had to do was let Him in.