7 Weeks

Today was a hard day. I planned to be at church a little bit early to set up my classroom for the lesson I had prepared. Last night my back hurt so bad so I took a muscle relaxer to help. I don't sleep well anymore, especially now waking up with painful contractions and more trips to the bathroom. But throughout the night when I do sleep after I take my meds, I always sleep so deep and feel stoned when I wake up. It's hard to get out of bed. But 7:00 came just the same.

As I was bringing myself to consciousness I could hear Peyson say...mommy my hands are dirty. I could already picture the mess he made. And there he was sitting in front of the heat vent in the living room, library book in hand, saying...mommy i woo-und my wibary book. Diaper rash cream covered one page, his hands, his feet, his nose, the floor, the wipe box(he tried to clean up I suppose), the side of the bookshelf, and the bottle itself.

I was less than charming and he knew he was in trouble. He knows when he's in trouble, I mean really in trouble, and he chatters non stop slowly succeeding to lesson my anger and help me forgive.

It almost worked...eventually it did...but I was still 30 minutes behind on a day I was supposed to be ahead. The carpet never did come clean. Gross.

We got to church still with time to do everything I needed to do. It was Ward Conference today so on top of our already full chapel, there were stake leaders to take up more seats and create more heat. It was beyond uncomfortable from the start. My program was made into a fan and it flapped the whole meeting. My back was already acting out so multiple sitting positions were tried in an attempt to find some kind of comfort. No such luck. Lots of contractions are happening now, some hurt, some don't. My poor belly. Ouch. And my feet and hands decided they wanted to be fat and swollen today...couldn't wear my fake wedding ring that is supposed to fit because my real one doesn't. And the shoes I bought just weeks ago were nearly too small to wear at all. Miserable.

During the first hour of Primary, Peyson's teacher came and got me to change his diaper. This is Derek's job on Sunday since I do teach in Primary, so I walked the length of the hall to his class. My face must have said a thousand words because so many people stopped to ask if I was ok. I am ok, just pregnant.

The last hour of church went very well actually. My class is quite rowdy mostly all the time. Last week I told them that if they couldn't listen I would put their names on the board and after 5 checks their parents would be asked to accompany them the next week so they could behave. It worked maybe a little too well...I asked them how their week was and they stared back. I asked if they did anything fun and they stared back. I mentioned they were quiet today and they said, "well remember, you have that name thing on the board." For just a small second I felt bad that they felt scared to even talk, but I appreciated their forced "reverence." After the fun treasure hunt first thing, they came to life once again and with only 2 of the 4 kiddos there, class was good. But even I could detect my tired demeanor, this day wearing on me already.

As we were making our way through the church after meetings, too many people asked/commented in the kindest way...
*when is your baby due?
*any day now?
*you look like you could pop any day!
*are you feeling ok?
And any other day I wouldn't have cared...even would have laughed. But today...you can imagine...

As we walked out of the church I turned to Derek and said I need to stop coming to church. People make me feel huge. He said that most people wear maternity shirts that fit loose. I said that I would rather look cute than feel like I was wearing a shower curtain. So I guess the seemingly harmless comments will continue until this little darling arrives.

This pregnancy is so much different from the last. And not in a good way. It is exhausting to think I still have 7 weeks. It is exhausting every time my back starts to hurt. It is exhausting to walk and move. Life keeps going, but I feel like I am at half speed. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally spent.