He loves her. He really does. See?
Most of the time he hardly cares...but he is a good big brother.
Today was our braking point. Toys everywhere, spilled jelly beans, fits when it's time to clean up, bigger mess, no more tv for the day(i'm kinda loving that punishment), an accident in the bedroom(it wouldn't be a normal day for peyson if he didn't do this at least once)(aaaa!). I'm sick of getting mad, I'm sick of yelling, I'm sick of feeling like the biggest jerk in the world. So all I could do was cry! And cry some more. Peyson too. When all my angry, frustrated tears were gone, sad tears came. Peyson too. We sat together in his messy room and cried. Used half the Kleenex box, and cried. I asked him if it was hard to have a baby sister. He said ya. I asked him if he loved her. He said ya. I asked him if he thought she was cute. He said ya. But he still agreed that having a sister was hard. I thought so too. We are having a hard time adjusting.
This is what happens when a toddler is searching for attention...when mommy is so exhausted from being mommy to a newborn that she can't hear her toddler waking up in the morning.He just wants time. He needs time. Time that used to be his. So for a day we made cookies together.
He's playing with the "dough dough"...???...I don't know. They were snakes. Playing in their nest.
Then I let him frost some of his own. 
He was a little stingy don't you think?:)At night when I put Peyson to bed I look down at him and think how much I miss him. I miss mommy Peyson time. I miss just snuggling. I wonder if he is feeling loved by his mommy. I wonder if he feels lost and alone. I wonder if he is happy. And at night when I go to bed I pray for help. Help to show him how much I love him. Help to have the energy to play with him. Help to make sure he is happy. Help to be a little bit nicer.
I love being a mom, but some days I can't help feeling I am failing. It is a great blessing for parents everywhere that children have a never ending supply of forgiveness.
We will figure this out. It will be hard. But we can do it. And it is obvious that it will be worth it.
3 comments:
A beautiful post. So real. So tender.
Just the other day I, too, was wondering how Henry was feeling. If he knows how much I love him and how I can show him my love. It helped me play with him more.
Hang in there...the newborn phase (which is so fun, so precious, yet so hard) will be over before you know it. I guess watching kids grow up is so bittersweet. I think I'll have ten so I can always have a baby around.
I love you.
i am so glad to hear you say this it makes me realize I am not the only one... George has not loved the adjustment either, but we are trying! hang in there you are a great mom!
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