So Derek went to Scout Camp today and will be gone for two nights. You can imagine what a 3 year old wants to do when Daddy gets to camp. Yep...he wants to camp too. Going with is not an option...so we did the next best thing...camp in the back yard.
We had a BBQ with friends from Kirksville tonight so when we got home and bathed and ready for bed we set up the tent. (not so much fun for one person btw!) Of all moments the wind decided to up and start blowing as soon as I got the poles in...welp...there went the tent. There I go chasing after it. Peyson is running around with the other poles for the top thingy hitting the light post and whatever else. Ainslee is screaming bloody murder for food and sleep.
I pull it back to my flat location and try again...using the small poles for the top thingy. More wind...crazy wind...wham...fling...wack...stupid pole pops out of the holes and slaps me on the belly. Nice welt for sure. Ouch! The other one broke! Bust! And there goes the tent again. And there I go after it...again. So I pulled it behind the house more so the wind could only blow it into the house...where the huge hole was dug to fix the water pipe leak...very bumpy...not so nice on the back...only for the wind to stop completely. Whatever...it's staying put!
Then my fingers start burning like...like...insulation? I take a look and they are shiny...what? Did I touch a plant? No. What is this? Fiber glass? FIBER GLASS! Stupid broken pole. Stupid wind. Stupid tent. Stupid...stupid.
Baby is still crying...Peyson is finding food to nibble...and his blanky...and pillow. I'm trying to get bedding in. We finally settle in and everything is calm and then...
mommy...I don't want to make a tent.
it's already made.
I don't want to sleep in it.
why?
I want to sleep in my home.
well...mommy just set up the tent and is kinda grumpy that it hurt me and broke...and we are all ready for bed in it so we are GOING TO SLEEP IN IT!
ok...zzzzzzzz
And so what am I to do? Well I still need my me time...whether I am in a tent or not...so...blog it is...what? It's only 10:17. I can think of a million things I could be doing that I usually would do after kids are asleep and husband is gone...but I can't just leave them out here all alone...
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A New Smile
I'm not sure how you can go from perfect teeth at a 2 year check up to horrid teeth in about 6 months...but Peyson won that prize. I new it was bad when I was brushing his teeth one night and what I thought was fruit snacks wasn't coming off...and his front tooth started chipping...but not 16 teeth bad. Yep...16 teeth. Did you know there are only 20 in his mouth? That means only 4 were still healthy and untouched.
And so to keep his happy dentist visit experience, they did it all at once under general anesthesia so he wouldn't remember. Isn't he cute in that hospital garb? We talked about what he would have to do on the day of his surgery and he wasn't about to go without mommy. I was worried about that...but daddy gave him the good old iphone and off he went, never looking back. Super stud.
Waking up was not so pleasant. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. As soon as he saw his arm wrapped he pulled the iv out. Total freak out:) But as soon as we got to go home it was smooth sailing. We snuggled on the couch and watched Scooby Doo (I hate Scooby Doo!). And this kid loves pain medicine(what kid loves pain medicine?) so he was asking for it when his mouth was hurting. That made things easy.
And now his mouth is healed and he has a new smile...and hopefully no more major surgery ever...ever. Did I mention he now eats like a pig?
And so to keep his happy dentist visit experience, they did it all at once under general anesthesia so he wouldn't remember. Isn't he cute in that hospital garb? We talked about what he would have to do on the day of his surgery and he wasn't about to go without mommy. I was worried about that...but daddy gave him the good old iphone and off he went, never looking back. Super stud.
Waking up was not so pleasant. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. As soon as he saw his arm wrapped he pulled the iv out. Total freak out:) But as soon as we got to go home it was smooth sailing. We snuggled on the couch and watched Scooby Doo (I hate Scooby Doo!). And this kid loves pain medicine(what kid loves pain medicine?) so he was asking for it when his mouth was hurting. That made things easy.
And now his mouth is healed and he has a new smile...and hopefully no more major surgery ever...ever. Did I mention he now eats like a pig?
Monday, June 6, 2011
A 5K
Last month I got the city bill in the mail. It always comes with a monthly newsletter. I usually skip over all the boring stuff like the mayor's memo or the emergency preparedness stuff:) and skip to the next months events...in case there is something fun to do. I was getting ready to throw it away when at the very bottom of the last page I saw an advertisement for a 5K. I checked the date, calculated the training time, and texted Derek.
Hey...wanna run a 5K with me?
When is it?
June 4th
That's only 4 weeks away!
Yep
He didn't really give me an answer...but I kinda sorta made up his mind for him. Cuz I kinda sorta preregistered when he was at work and before he really told me yes or no:)
The week of the race, actually two days before the race, I woke up with body aches and a dizzy head. I spent the day on the couch, in pain, fuming with little existing energy, that I had been training for the last 4 weeks for a race I might not even be able to run because I was sick. Derek made me some chicken noodle soup...and it must have had magic powers because after I ate it I started to feel better. By morning it was gone completely. Not sure what that was about. No matter.
We got a sitter for the kiddos and just the two of us headed over to the park. Can you believe that I still get nervous before races? I remember now why I hated high school track SO MUCH! And why I didn't even go out my senior year. And how I didn't run from my last day of senior year volleyball until Peyson was more than a year old(more than 5 years time).
With jitters in my tummy we started the race...the first mile was all up hill. Long, never ending hill after hill. Before I even made it to the first turn I thought I might die. Turns out you can't just up and run a race as if you were still in that 15 year old body, ten years and two kids later. I sure tried though. After mile one I heard hard, loud footsteps behind me and it felt like whoever it was was right on my tail. I kept checking to see where she was at...I still had some room. One girl caught me on the last hill but I couldn't stay with her. No way! I heard somebody yell out a time on that same hill and knew I couldn't reach my goal time, but those footsteps man...I was not about to let them pass me. Soooooo......I pushed...and pushed some more...and then some more. I might hate the jittery tummy but that competitive psycho in my head never goes away. Even if my pelvis feels like it might bust open. Nope...those muscles haven't recovered yet.
And so, I crossed the finish line, my head felt like it might explode, one second ahead of loud feet, at 28:07. I really wanted to do better...I couldn't figure out why my body has been so beat up during this training...but as Derek continually has to remind me...I've never had two kids before. So I guess it's ok. I'll get over it. But it will be awhile before I try it again. In fact, I didn't even run today. I'm on strike against running for now. I'll stick to walking until I recover from the result of my competitive nature:) Thanks Dad!
And I'm pretty sure Derek will never agree to another race...ever...not that he really agreed to this one:) But I'm glad he tagged along! Although he told me I turn into a whole different person when I compete...unrecognizable...I have no idea what he is talking about;)
Hey...wanna run a 5K with me?
When is it?
June 4th
That's only 4 weeks away!
Yep
He didn't really give me an answer...but I kinda sorta made up his mind for him. Cuz I kinda sorta preregistered when he was at work and before he really told me yes or no:)
The week of the race, actually two days before the race, I woke up with body aches and a dizzy head. I spent the day on the couch, in pain, fuming with little existing energy, that I had been training for the last 4 weeks for a race I might not even be able to run because I was sick. Derek made me some chicken noodle soup...and it must have had magic powers because after I ate it I started to feel better. By morning it was gone completely. Not sure what that was about. No matter.
We got a sitter for the kiddos and just the two of us headed over to the park. Can you believe that I still get nervous before races? I remember now why I hated high school track SO MUCH! And why I didn't even go out my senior year. And how I didn't run from my last day of senior year volleyball until Peyson was more than a year old(more than 5 years time).
With jitters in my tummy we started the race...the first mile was all up hill. Long, never ending hill after hill. Before I even made it to the first turn I thought I might die. Turns out you can't just up and run a race as if you were still in that 15 year old body, ten years and two kids later. I sure tried though. After mile one I heard hard, loud footsteps behind me and it felt like whoever it was was right on my tail. I kept checking to see where she was at...I still had some room. One girl caught me on the last hill but I couldn't stay with her. No way! I heard somebody yell out a time on that same hill and knew I couldn't reach my goal time, but those footsteps man...I was not about to let them pass me. Soooooo......I pushed...and pushed some more...and then some more. I might hate the jittery tummy but that competitive psycho in my head never goes away. Even if my pelvis feels like it might bust open. Nope...those muscles haven't recovered yet.
And so, I crossed the finish line, my head felt like it might explode, one second ahead of loud feet, at 28:07. I really wanted to do better...I couldn't figure out why my body has been so beat up during this training...but as Derek continually has to remind me...I've never had two kids before. So I guess it's ok. I'll get over it. But it will be awhile before I try it again. In fact, I didn't even run today. I'm on strike against running for now. I'll stick to walking until I recover from the result of my competitive nature:) Thanks Dad!
And I'm pretty sure Derek will never agree to another race...ever...not that he really agreed to this one:) But I'm glad he tagged along! Although he told me I turn into a whole different person when I compete...unrecognizable...I have no idea what he is talking about;)
Friday, June 3, 2011
Crappy Mommy Moments
We all have them...right? Those times where you wonder who gave you permission to put the life of another in your care...and wonder if the permission should be revoked? Ya...it happened a lot today:)
We went to the park and there were some awesome tractor toys that somebody else brought but wasn't playing with. So Peyson had some fun. Then...the little boy came over and was like...HEY...THOSE ARE MIIIIIINE! Peyson was like ok...whatev. So they just sat there while the kids played hide and seek. Peyson was helping the little boy who had to seek and he's all...you awent paying wiff me. So Peyson goes back to the tractors for a bit till the kids decide they really do want to play with them after all. They just walk up and take their toys away and totally butt him out. So he goes up to them and just watches. One of the boys wanted to play on the slide so he asks who wanted to play with him and no one did. So he asks who wants to play tractors and Peyson is like...MEEEEE:) So he asks really cute...can I help? The tractor kid is like...can he play...should we let him play? I'm just sitting there observing, totally heart broken that these kids don't think my baby boy is as totally awesome as I think he is. I mean seriously...how dare they want to play with their own toys that they brought to the park to play with and not share with some stranger kid they don't know and have never seen before and probably won't see again? :) I know right? (I did explain to Peyson that they were their toys and if they didn't want to share with him they didn't have to. After all, I wouldn't expect him to share his favorite toys with some kid he didn't know. I wouldn't. But I would expect him to be nice)
And then...when we got home...guess who had a bright cherry red sunburn? Yep...Peyson. I am such an awesome mom sometimes! We just slapped some aloe on...he should be fine. And next time we will remember the sunscreen. Cuz I totally didn't say that last time we spent too much time in the sun...and Derek totally didn't ask if we needed it before we left...and I totally didn't say...oh we'll be fine... :/
Ok! So Derek was making dinner and I was finishing feeding Ainslee. I put her in the boppy on the couch like I always do and went to the bathroom. She was mad and fussy because it was bath time. But then the screams...like...help me...I tipped over...and then the flop...and then the wailing...guess who just did a summer salt off the couch? Yep...Ainslee. She is starting to want to sit up by herself, so the couch is no longer a safe place to leave her alone...even for a second. Good thing I know now...and not before she made her first gymnastics debut. She yelled at me for at least 5 minutes. And she laid her head on my shoulder while she did so. It was SO...SAD!
Next is bath time. My kids LOVE bath time. And they bath together. So we are having a great time splashin in the water. I use a cup to poor water on baby girl's belly so she stays warm...and oops...splash right in her face...mouth...nose...eyes...hmm. She is freaking out...holding her breath and blinking hysterically until it works its way out. Then she lets me have it again. SO not cool mom.
I think mommy needs a break from the kids for tonight. I'm not always so reckless. Sheesh it makes you feel awful when silly things that just happen happen because of you. So ya...I had a good share of crappy mommy moments for the day. But tomorrow will be better:)
We went to the park and there were some awesome tractor toys that somebody else brought but wasn't playing with. So Peyson had some fun. Then...the little boy came over and was like...HEY...THOSE ARE MIIIIIINE! Peyson was like ok...whatev. So they just sat there while the kids played hide and seek. Peyson was helping the little boy who had to seek and he's all...you awent paying wiff me. So Peyson goes back to the tractors for a bit till the kids decide they really do want to play with them after all. They just walk up and take their toys away and totally butt him out. So he goes up to them and just watches. One of the boys wanted to play on the slide so he asks who wanted to play with him and no one did. So he asks who wants to play tractors and Peyson is like...MEEEEE:) So he asks really cute...can I help? The tractor kid is like...can he play...should we let him play? I'm just sitting there observing, totally heart broken that these kids don't think my baby boy is as totally awesome as I think he is. I mean seriously...how dare they want to play with their own toys that they brought to the park to play with and not share with some stranger kid they don't know and have never seen before and probably won't see again? :) I know right? (I did explain to Peyson that they were their toys and if they didn't want to share with him they didn't have to. After all, I wouldn't expect him to share his favorite toys with some kid he didn't know. I wouldn't. But I would expect him to be nice)
And then...when we got home...guess who had a bright cherry red sunburn? Yep...Peyson. I am such an awesome mom sometimes! We just slapped some aloe on...he should be fine. And next time we will remember the sunscreen. Cuz I totally didn't say that last time we spent too much time in the sun...and Derek totally didn't ask if we needed it before we left...and I totally didn't say...oh we'll be fine... :/
Ok! So Derek was making dinner and I was finishing feeding Ainslee. I put her in the boppy on the couch like I always do and went to the bathroom. She was mad and fussy because it was bath time. But then the screams...like...help me...I tipped over...and then the flop...and then the wailing...guess who just did a summer salt off the couch? Yep...Ainslee. She is starting to want to sit up by herself, so the couch is no longer a safe place to leave her alone...even for a second. Good thing I know now...and not before she made her first gymnastics debut. She yelled at me for at least 5 minutes. And she laid her head on my shoulder while she did so. It was SO...SAD!
Next is bath time. My kids LOVE bath time. And they bath together. So we are having a great time splashin in the water. I use a cup to poor water on baby girl's belly so she stays warm...and oops...splash right in her face...mouth...nose...eyes...hmm. She is freaking out...holding her breath and blinking hysterically until it works its way out. Then she lets me have it again. SO not cool mom.
I think mommy needs a break from the kids for tonight. I'm not always so reckless. Sheesh it makes you feel awful when silly things that just happen happen because of you. So ya...I had a good share of crappy mommy moments for the day. But tomorrow will be better:)
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Reflections
Today we went to church. Just as we always do on a Sunday morning. But today was different. Derek went to do rounds at the hospital...and ended up staying all day...those babies come...even on Sunday. So it was me and my two cuties, who acted angelic, thankfully! Thankful not just because I was there alone and didn't need a freak out with no help from daddy, but because for some reason I was able to really pay attention to the speakers and their message, their faith, and example. Four teenagers sharing messages of the Atonement and striving for perfection. Music from the Young Women touched my spirit and brought tears to my eyes. I really needed that today.
It has been a long time since church did that for me. With rushing out the door, trying to keep Peyson quiet, deflecting his begging for snacks, keeping him distracted till after the sacrament, trying to teach reverence, shushing him when needed, taking Ainslee to the mother's lounge to nurse, waiting for a break in the program to re-enter just in time for the closing song and prayer, then off to Nursery for Peyson and Sunday School for us, then juggling baby and scriptures then just scriptures then just baby, Relief Society and hushed chatter before it begins, wishing I would have taken time to prepare during the week for the lesson so in between a fussy, pukey, smiley baby I could get something, anything, from the Spirit provided during the presentation of lots of preparation by the teacher, there is too much distraction and too little strength gained from the blessings of gathering as saints to worship a merciful God. But today I was strengthened.
The Sunday School lesson was on the Publicans and Pharisees. One thing lingers--while the two groups of people were sinners in their own respect, the Pharisees were a people of public worship, intentions only for the perception of them by the people, a means of control through religion. The Publicans were a people of tax collecting for Rome, Jews, traitors in a sense, yet knowing that only through Christ could they become better. I had to stop and think...where am I? How am I judging? Am I accepting others for their pure and simple good, or am I trying to find flaws as if I were any better? Am I turning to Christ to make me better?
As the transition from Sunday School to Relief Society began I was asked to read a quote during the lesson. I read through it and was immediately filled with memories of one of the hardest times in my life. It said:
* Pain is a gauge of the healing process. It often teaches us patience. Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. ... It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire." ---Elder Kent F. Richards
It has been two years since my first dizzy spell. Two years since the start of the most dark and painful year I have ever had to endure. Yet two years since some of the most amazing opportunities to learn from growing closer to the Savior.
It all stems from what I had to learn. What I needed to learn. I had a very vain desire to be pretty. To never have to look in the mirror and see ugly. I had zits and I wanted them gone. I had the opportunity to see a dermatologist, to clear my acne for good. The only thing I ever wanted to change about myself turned into a change I needed for myself, but I just didn't know it. What I believed others must think of me because of how I looked, became how I saw myself. And how I saw myself was how I started, or maybe always had, viewed others. Instead of looking past the outer appearances and searching for what was real inside, I only saw what is obvious to any first glance and missed out on a lot of amazing qualities only a pure love can see.
All too soon, the medicine that was supposed to cure all my problems became my worst enemy. My body reacted badly and I developed a health condition that left me completely debilitated for nearly a year. I had to stop treatment and because I wasn't on it long enough, it didn't work. I have very little memory of what happened during those long, hard, painful months. I know that my one year old had to be his own best friend and was secluded to the living room while mommy lay helpless on the couch with massive headaches that wouldn't go away. I know that my husband who was in his second year of medical school, which isn't easy by the way, had to be student, husband, daddy, mommy, homemaker and caregiver all at once. I know that I couldn't stand without getting horribly dizzy. I know that driving was necessary, but should not have been allowed. I know that nothing was making it better! And so I thought...what am I to learn from this?
A blessing for me was another girl who unfortunately went through the exact same trial. And from her experiences I learned how to make it through. And along the way, she became someone very important to me, someone who understood the crazy happening inside my head, someone who could help me get through because she did, someone who cared about what I was going through...a complete stranger turned into a very dear friend. I remember asking her one day...how did you do it? How did you get through every...single...day...with this chronic pain...with a one year old...with a medical student...with very little ability to have a normal life...a normal day? Her answer was simple. Her answer was obvious. Read the scriptures. Every day! Turn to Christ. Let him help you heal.
And so I began. I read the scriptures. And reading turned to searching. Searching turned to praying. Praying turned to the Spirit. The Spirit turned to a pure love. A pure love turned to healing. A pure love is what I needed. A pure love opened my eyes to EVERYBODY around me. I no longer saw the outer appearances that are so harshly judged every day. I saw the good. The good that everybody has. The good that is never reached when we are too busy judging. The good that everybody should be able to know about everybody. That included myself. It is really easy to say that what we look like doesn't matter. It is very hard to accept that. But oh how true it is. We can't love when we judge. Not others, not ourselves.
As I thought about the things I had learned from this trial I couldn't help but notice that since my condition has left me, that pure love has been slipping away as well. I have reflected a lot on the amazing change that happened within me. It was so huge for me...how could I let it go? Why have I been letting judgements seep into my soul? Then another comment was made. We should write it down. Record our gratitude, revisit our trials as well as the blessings that came from those trials. Because like manna, it doesn't seem to last.
My acne is back. And I hate it. But maybe if I can look past those spots in the mirror, I can look through the stupid hard hearted thoughts that run through my mind of others. If I can love myself as Christ loves me, I can love others as Christ does. And the pain that I went through, and the pain that Christ went through for me will heal my heart once again.
It has been a long time since church did that for me. With rushing out the door, trying to keep Peyson quiet, deflecting his begging for snacks, keeping him distracted till after the sacrament, trying to teach reverence, shushing him when needed, taking Ainslee to the mother's lounge to nurse, waiting for a break in the program to re-enter just in time for the closing song and prayer, then off to Nursery for Peyson and Sunday School for us, then juggling baby and scriptures then just scriptures then just baby, Relief Society and hushed chatter before it begins, wishing I would have taken time to prepare during the week for the lesson so in between a fussy, pukey, smiley baby I could get something, anything, from the Spirit provided during the presentation of lots of preparation by the teacher, there is too much distraction and too little strength gained from the blessings of gathering as saints to worship a merciful God. But today I was strengthened.
The Sunday School lesson was on the Publicans and Pharisees. One thing lingers--while the two groups of people were sinners in their own respect, the Pharisees were a people of public worship, intentions only for the perception of them by the people, a means of control through religion. The Publicans were a people of tax collecting for Rome, Jews, traitors in a sense, yet knowing that only through Christ could they become better. I had to stop and think...where am I? How am I judging? Am I accepting others for their pure and simple good, or am I trying to find flaws as if I were any better? Am I turning to Christ to make me better?
As the transition from Sunday School to Relief Society began I was asked to read a quote during the lesson. I read through it and was immediately filled with memories of one of the hardest times in my life. It said:
* Pain is a gauge of the healing process. It often teaches us patience. Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. ... It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire." ---Elder Kent F. Richards
It has been two years since my first dizzy spell. Two years since the start of the most dark and painful year I have ever had to endure. Yet two years since some of the most amazing opportunities to learn from growing closer to the Savior.
It all stems from what I had to learn. What I needed to learn. I had a very vain desire to be pretty. To never have to look in the mirror and see ugly. I had zits and I wanted them gone. I had the opportunity to see a dermatologist, to clear my acne for good. The only thing I ever wanted to change about myself turned into a change I needed for myself, but I just didn't know it. What I believed others must think of me because of how I looked, became how I saw myself. And how I saw myself was how I started, or maybe always had, viewed others. Instead of looking past the outer appearances and searching for what was real inside, I only saw what is obvious to any first glance and missed out on a lot of amazing qualities only a pure love can see.
All too soon, the medicine that was supposed to cure all my problems became my worst enemy. My body reacted badly and I developed a health condition that left me completely debilitated for nearly a year. I had to stop treatment and because I wasn't on it long enough, it didn't work. I have very little memory of what happened during those long, hard, painful months. I know that my one year old had to be his own best friend and was secluded to the living room while mommy lay helpless on the couch with massive headaches that wouldn't go away. I know that my husband who was in his second year of medical school, which isn't easy by the way, had to be student, husband, daddy, mommy, homemaker and caregiver all at once. I know that I couldn't stand without getting horribly dizzy. I know that driving was necessary, but should not have been allowed. I know that nothing was making it better! And so I thought...what am I to learn from this?
A blessing for me was another girl who unfortunately went through the exact same trial. And from her experiences I learned how to make it through. And along the way, she became someone very important to me, someone who understood the crazy happening inside my head, someone who could help me get through because she did, someone who cared about what I was going through...a complete stranger turned into a very dear friend. I remember asking her one day...how did you do it? How did you get through every...single...day...with this chronic pain...with a one year old...with a medical student...with very little ability to have a normal life...a normal day? Her answer was simple. Her answer was obvious. Read the scriptures. Every day! Turn to Christ. Let him help you heal.
And so I began. I read the scriptures. And reading turned to searching. Searching turned to praying. Praying turned to the Spirit. The Spirit turned to a pure love. A pure love turned to healing. A pure love is what I needed. A pure love opened my eyes to EVERYBODY around me. I no longer saw the outer appearances that are so harshly judged every day. I saw the good. The good that everybody has. The good that is never reached when we are too busy judging. The good that everybody should be able to know about everybody. That included myself. It is really easy to say that what we look like doesn't matter. It is very hard to accept that. But oh how true it is. We can't love when we judge. Not others, not ourselves.
As I thought about the things I had learned from this trial I couldn't help but notice that since my condition has left me, that pure love has been slipping away as well. I have reflected a lot on the amazing change that happened within me. It was so huge for me...how could I let it go? Why have I been letting judgements seep into my soul? Then another comment was made. We should write it down. Record our gratitude, revisit our trials as well as the blessings that came from those trials. Because like manna, it doesn't seem to last.
My acne is back. And I hate it. But maybe if I can look past those spots in the mirror, I can look through the stupid hard hearted thoughts that run through my mind of others. If I can love myself as Christ loves me, I can love others as Christ does. And the pain that I went through, and the pain that Christ went through for me will heal my heart once again.
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