Today is definitely a head ache day. I hate head ache days. I am completely exhausted but can't sleep because it hurts too bad. I have very little patience for anything...I somehow always find something to yell about...making my head ache much worse, and being completely rude for no reason. I don't like who I am when I have a head ache.
At an attempt to make my head ache day a little better, I will share some thoughts I had at church on Sunday. I have wanted to since I had them, so that is what I will do.
*The youth speaker did an amazing job...he talked about our trials and how the Lord won't give us anything we can't handle, and he will always provide a way!
*In Relief Society, the lesson was simply about our Heavenly Father. We were made in His image, and He is perfect in every way. One day we will return to Him and be made whole, as He is.
*"All good things come from God. Everything that He does is to help His children become like Him". (Lesson book)
As I thought about all these simple messages, it gave me strength. I have had constant and consistently painful head aches now for 5 months. So far all medications I have been put on have given my slight improvement, but still not sufficient to live a normal life with the ability to function as a healthy person. I have struggled the entire time, not being able to live my life the way I choose. I am under the control of my health condition. It is no fun, in fact it is quite miserable.
With these perfect reminders from church, it gave me the much needed strength to make it a few more days, to endure the pain and remember that He is helping me through it. It is something I can somehow handle, and He is providing the way.
I was visiting with a friend last night and I had mentioned to her that my acne was returning...the whole reason behind my illness-the treatment for my acne-not only did it not work, but it so kindly gave me this medical condition to painfully endure. As I was reflecting on the last 5 months of clear skin:) I realized that I had changed for the better. Let me explain.
Before, when I had outer imperfections to smother my every thought, that is all I noticed in others. And I will admit it again, while consumed with my own imperfections, I was happy in an evil sort of way every time somebody else had the same imperfections as I. I used to hope for others to suffer the way I suffered, as if they deserved it because I had to endure it. When I finally had the chance to enjoy clear skin my attitude changed drastically. As I was able to enjoy my outer appearance, I felt sorrow for those that could not. I still noticed acne on the faces of others, but instead of feeling an evil kind of happy, I felt the pain they must have felt. I wished for them the same happiness I enjoyed in the confidence of a clear complexion.
As the constant worry of what I looked like was no longer a part of me, my heart had changed, as did my eyes. It didn't take long before I started to see others for who they really were, and not for what they looked like. And I noticed that everybody is filled with so much good, as well as many different ways of showing that goodness.
Not only did I notice the good in others, but I came to know the real me. I realized that I needed to make some changes. Without the worry of what I as well as others looked like to cloud my every thought, I was able to start making the changes I needed to be a better person from the inside.
And finally, as a daily reminder of how I held the importance of what I looked like, and what it took to fix it, I can see how it was for my own good. My heart was changed. I have come to know that the beauty from within truly is more important than the beauty all can see. Some trials are easier to face than others. Acne is easier to endure than the ever painful head aches I suffer with almost daily.
I continue to hope for strength to help me make it through this trial, as I hope it will end soon! But I know that one day I will be made whole. I will return to the presence of my Father, and be made perfect in every way.
2 comments:
I didn't know you had a blog..I wish I knew sooner. I have nothing but love for you and admiration for your honest revelations of your thoughts. I'm rooting for you to make it through...one day the pain will subside and things will slowly go back to normal. Hold to the faith, you can do anything with God's help.
Hi Rala,
I can really relate to this because of my acne problems. In high school I think we were on the same page with making fun of others to make ourselves feel better, and it did work, but only if we kept joking about others. I remember a couple of times when we had both had enough of our getting a kick out of other people's faults or quirks. It was a vicious cycle.
I'm really sorry to hear about your headaches. I'm praying that you will be able to live without headaches. Are they migranes? If you want to talk to someone about alternative treatments, my Mom might be a good option. She has tried so many things because she has suffered for years with persistent migranes. She recently did an elimination diet where she found out she was allergic to wheat and beef, crazy. Anyhow, I think it really helped her to know that those foods triggered her headaches. She still gets headaches occasionally. Her phone number is 340-1084 if you are interested.
She lives in Laramie now with Jada because she and Jim are getting divorced. My mom wanted out over a year ago and now the divorce is almost final. I'm glad to hear that Kyla misses Jada because Jada has very few friends. It would be great to get both of them together again sometime.
Anyhow, keep writing because you write very well and it is great to read about what is going on with you.
Hugs,
Josie
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