Happy

So since the time change Peyson thinks it's time to wake up at 6:00 every morning. And since I have been pregnant, the first trimester no funs haven't gone away. This leaves me sleeping in at least past 8:00...NOT waking up by 7:00...which is what I have been doing all this week. Totally exhausting. But yesterday we cleaned and cleaned, and.......cleaned some more. I looked at the clock and it was only 10:00. ONLY 10:00! Peyson has been sick this week too so I haven't wanted to take him anywhere. But yesterday I had to get out. His toddler stage is particularly WHINY and I am extremely impatient with it. (That whole sentence is a huge understatement!) I needed to get out of the house. So we went to Joann's to get some fabric to make a quilt for baby Ainslee. I'm really excited about that! Then we went to the mall. Remember when I bought some fat pants like a month ago? Well they didn't last long! I needed some more. Maurices never disappoints and I had coupons so I headed straight there. And get this...I found pants...they look cute...well as cute as they can with my ever growing behind...and the best part...they were only $2. Chaching! If it weren't for the size of those babies that alone would have made my day! (Lets just say this pregnancy is doing wonders for the self esteem)

We went to motherhood maternity next. I don't know why I even bother...still...maternity clothes make me nauseated. No lie. On our way out we stopped at Vanity. This is my favorite store...but the sales aren't that great and I'm fat so their clothes just don't work for me right now. So here is where my mind is at this point...I've been up since 7:00, I've cleaned all morning, Peyson is trying my patience...which I don't have to begin with, we left the house in hopes of it getting better, but I just set myself up for more stress by venturing to the mall with a 2 year old, I just bought some huge pants to fit around my huge behind-not cool even if they were only $2, and my favorite store has nothing for me to get excited about. Sounds thrilling right? But while I was in there I couldn't help but focus on the music that was playing. (I love the mall radio stations!) I recognized Natasha Bedingfield singing, who I absolutely love. It was a song I have never heard so I listened to the words, which I never do. I made it a point to remember what seemed to be the title of the song so I could look it up and read the words again. That's what I did today.

Wanna hear?

This is the chorus:
Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there's so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

But I think my favorite part is this:
any day I'll go bad thinking bad
everyone is against me and the world wants to fight me
preparing to battle an enemy unseen
during my stressing I'm blinded to the lesson
that could be a blessing if I'd be confessing that the enemy
I'm trying to beat is hiding inside of me

Amid the thoughts that clutter my mind, I think a lot about who I am, but also who I want to be. Sometimes we should embrace who we are and make the best of it...but what if who we are isn't good? What if change is better? This song made me realize that with everything I have been feeling, during my shopping trip yesterday, and even the day to day crazy of being a mother of a toddler, I have the choice to make it amazing. I need to stop and see that even when my toddler is out of control and giving me a head ache...:)...at least I have a toddler to make me laugh, to make me change, to make me love like I could in no other way. When I am feeling sick, which is a lot...at least I am able to carry a child inside of me, feel her kicking, and dream of what she will be like some day. When I am feeling fat...at least I have the physical ability to run it off...after the baby is here. I have the ability inside of me to be whatever I want to be. I can choose to wallow in self pity, which I will admit happens all too often, OR I can choose to embrace the trials that are really blessings.

So you see...my stressful adventure to the mall helped me see what is inside of me. And I can change. I can be happy!