Lazy Days

Sometimes I don't feel very good. There is a small percentage of women that have morning sickness their entire pregnancy...somehow I am falling into that small percentage. And most of the time I get crazy about it. Just the other day I was grumpy about it when Derek asked me what was wrong. Here was my reply...

I feel sick all the time so I don't do anything. The house gets more dirty but I don't feel like cleaning it. But then I get crazy because it is so dirty. Then I start to clean it but the mess makes me sick.

Fun cycle hu? He laughed at my crazy:)

Besides being sick I am tired a lot too! So I don't like that Peyson thinks he should wake up at 5:00 in the morning...or 6:00...or even 6:30. Last night I slept great...only had to wake up once to go to the bathroom, but had to eat at that time too. So annoying. I slept so good that I didn't hear Peyson turn on the living room light. That is how he tells us it's time to wake up. The light was already on at 7:12 when I woke up. He was in the bathroom washing his hands. It's kind of his obsession! Why was he washing his hands? Cuz he smeared desitin all over:) On any normal day I would have gone off the deep end waking up to such a mess so "early" in the morning. But today I surprised myself. As I was cleaning up his masterpiece we just sat and talked...me and Peyson. It was cute. That is when I knew it would be a good day.(every once in a long while I have a little bit of patience)

Right now Peyson is watching PBS Kids online. I am blogging. I jumped some links and found some great new blogs I've never read before...now they are on my sidebar. Mothers talking about being mothers. This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Here are some thoughts I have sometimes:

*Why does my husband work all the time?(he often reminds me that any career would require him gone from 9-5...DARN!)
*Some days moms have a crappy job...diapers...messes...more messes...cleaning and more cleaning...not getting dressed or even brushing your hair in a day...whiny kids that forgot how to talk normal...and no husband to help with it all(because he works from 9-5:) )
*Who am I? Besides a mom and a wife? Where is the me part aside from the mom and wife part?
*Why am I so tired and sick all the time?
*Two kids? Eeek!
*Did Peyson eat breakfast?(he doesn't eat for a while after he wakes up...but I do...so we don't eat together...)
*What should we do today?
*So sick of tv, tv and more tv...but what would we do if we didn't have tv?
*No I am not doing dishes today!

I want to be a good mom. And I want my babies to know that I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! But sometimes I realize that I can't just tell them. I have to show them. And I don't think I do that very often. Sometimes when I feel smothered and need a break Derek will comment...He just loves his mommy so much. And I think...I don't know why...all I ever do is tell him NO! But somehow...he does love me. So for months I have been working on understanding him a little bit better. Understanding that he is 2. He has lots of energy. He kinda likes me. He is still learning everything. And when he is naughty...it's not just to make me mad. It's just that he is learning. So to be fair to him, I try every single stinkin day to be somebody worth loving. If my little boy can love the monster in me, maybe I should give him a better me to love.

So today, while he is munching on crackers and squirty cheese, and while I am blogging, I look over at him and watch him and love him so deeply. And I smile. And I wonder...how can a crazy like me be so blessed with an angel like him? I don't deserve his sweet spirit. Some day I hope I can be the mom HE deserves. I am trying every day.

While I read the words of other mothers, I feel inspired. I know that mothering is hard. Real hard. But no other lifestyle could bring such simple pleasures so often as being a mother. So when I am reminded of the treasures I get to experience every day I remember why I chose being a mother as my lifestyle. It is important. It is exhausting. It is fun. It is not fun. It is a little bit of heaven. And I am so grateful that the children we are blessed with are ever forgiving and loving and perfect. I get lots of chances to get it right.

On this lazy day I think we will get up off our bums and go play in the snow. It's time to go love my baby!