So last Friday I ran out of medicine. I spoke with my doctor a few weeks ago about the situation and he was in the process of either finding more samples or writing a script. Neither has happened. Though I can't expect too much. Since I lost my insurance he has been seeing me almost monthly for FREE. And what's better, he has been supplying my medication with samples so I wouldn't have to pay for them myself. Isn't he the coolest? Anyway...
I can't say I am worse off without the medicine. Though I am not so much better either. I have noticed a little ounce of mood swings but mostly just weepy about things close to the heart. I don't cry for no reason, there are definitely reasons, but I am crying a little more often.
I am really indifferent about not taking medicine. I really wanted to be able to get off them so we could start thinking about maybe baby number 2. But then when I was told no, I didn't care too much. Now that I have been off them, I don't really see a point in going back on them.
Now that I was put on an antidepressant, I can understand how desperately I needed to be. I was in a very dark place. With the head aches completely debilitating my life, and everything changing out of my control, I was an ongoing cycle of bad. While the antidepressant wasn't prescribed to treat my head aches, it was prescribed to stabilize my emotions. I quite honestly found a happy place and life couldn't be better-besides the whole-my husband has to study ALL THE TIME-thing:)! I feel like I can deal with my head aches now. At times I feel like I might explode-during times when I really realize I am not in control of my life-because control puts me at ease. But those times seem to be few and far between. In a way I have accepted that this is part of my life right now, and hopefully some day it will go away. BUT, now that I have reached this point...what is the point in taking the meds? They obviously aren't helping the pain, or making the head aches go away by any means. Life is great. I am happy. Hmm.
3 comments:
Have you had a priesthood blessing for the sick? Or just one for comfort? I had more blessings (both kinds) while I was sick than probably at any time in my life...especially the ones that Eric just gave me late at night when I thought I was going to fall apart. They are powerful and helped me a ton. Just a thought if you feel like you are going to lose it...or if you need an extra boost.
Love you and pray for you. You are amazing. I'm glad you've found happiness again. I've really noticed a difference.
Crying is good. I have found a lot of relief from tears in my life.
Hang in there Laura! I'm so glad your in a happy place! I'm sorry for the many things you've had to go through.
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